I'm so glad that Boomerful has added someone with your kind of expertise. I'm sure there are lots of people - like me - that have to make hard decisions. This is a difficult time - moving our parents from their home to a retirement facility. My Mother, especially, keeps saying she wants to go back home. We know that they really can't live alone anymore but we don't know how to convince her of that. She gets sad, then she gets angry with us. This is very difficult. Any words of wisdom on how to convince her that this is the right place for them? It's a very nice facility, by the way, with an excellent reputation. My siblings and I visit often as it's nearby.
Yes, this is a very difficult time for our parents - and us! You know you did the right thing and I'll bet she knows it's the right thing too. Sadly, that doesn't make it any easier!
To be perfectly honest, you can't convince her that that is the right place for her. Sorry but there's nothing you can say that will convince her. But don't worry - there is something you can do. You can help her convince herself!
To do that, tell her that you know that she wants to go home and it makes you very sad that she's unhappy. Then ask her to do an exercise with you and create a "Pro/Con" list. On a sheet of paper, write at the top "Living in this retirement facility" and make two columns - one labeled "Pro" and one labeled "Con". Then ask her to list all the pros and cons of living where she is. You can help her (e.g.: Pros: live nearby kids so they can visit often; already here; etc.) but ideally only to get her started. Once the list is finished, look at the list together and ask her what she sees. Do not try to convince her that it's the right place. Instead, look at the Cons and ask if there's anything that can be done to accommodate them. For example, if she says she misses her friends, don't say "you have friends here". Rather see if there's any way they can come visit or talk on the phone more often. There's more information about the Pro/Con Sheet and how to use it in a teleseminar that I just did called 'Helping Your Aging Loved One Get What They Want - and That's in Their Best Interest'. You can find it on the "Listen To Teleseminars" page of my website, www.AgeWiseLiving.com.